I’m Shaelynn, headed to Howard University after I graduate from Maury High this spring. My parents both went to Howard so I sort of have to go too. I stay at home a lot and my parents are kind a protective. My boyfriend David chills with me and we go to movies, the mall and – meet up at my house. I had never met a guy who didn’t want anything from me before him. He actually brings me up not tears me down. It is refreshing. I’m like WOW. I dealt with guyswho were verbally abusive and always tried to pressure me for sex; be their “cutty buddy”. One guy used to tell me “your dark skin is so beautiful” than later when I wouldn’t give in say, “you’re so fat, you’re so ugly” … I felt like I was not worthy enough for the good guys. I only deserved the bad ones. When I was still pretty young two boys pulled down my pants. I’m just a little kid, I don’t know anything. Later, I go home and say something to my parents and I definitely remember my mom just looking at me. She said something like ‘what do you know’… It ended when a teacher saw us on the playground and stopped us, but she never told my mother. From that age I thought, if someone wants something from me I was suppose to just give it to them. Later when I was a little older, my best friends’ brother tried to get me to go down on him. I told their parent. They never told my parents and they never did anything about it either. In ninth grade, my cousin, she touched me. At that moment, I felt like I had something taken from me again. It wasn’t my fault, like before, but this time I felt a part of me destroyed. I felt worthless. Until then I had so many things taken away from me. But my virginity is the one thing I had left. So I decided that I will not just give that away. I will fight for it!.. for my myself, my heart, and so I’ll be 100% sure that I can’t get HIV too … I was taught that you are not supposed to have sex until, you are married. I don’t do every thing right but I think of “it” as a gift so I hold on to it. I know you can’t take it back … Spiritually, I feel like I am getting back on my feet again. I asked God to help me start over. I say to myself when I do something wrong … ok, I have done this …I want to be forgiven and then …I move on. And now I know I am worth it!…
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